Lara and Selene

In 2001 the release of Angelina Jolie's blockbuster 'Lara Croft: Tomb Raider' earned the distinguished honour of grossing more than any other movie in history (a little over $274 million) with a woman playing the lead character.

Upon its release to theatres, I found myself in Minneapolis visiting my ex-girlfriend and dear friend Alis. As Alis and I waited for the movie to start we sugared ourselves up on snickers bars, "Code Red" Mountain Dew, and played indoor miniature golf in the middle of a mall on the outskirts of Saint Paul.

Certainly it's worth mentioning here that I have respected and adored Angelina Jolie since her supporting role in 'Girl Interrupted'. A movie I have no intrinsic embarrasment at all for waiting impatiently to ultimately see on its opening day and opening showing performance at 11:45 on a Friday (a day I was mysteriously sick from work and completely unable to attempt), Angelina Jolie was perfect as the sociopathic basketcase 'Lisa Rowe'.

However, back to the task at hand... and in the interest of setting the scene...

After spending the past 17 or 18 hours drilling holes in the ceiling of Alis' apartment after her cat managed to get herself wedged in the floor boards through an opening under the sink, we were desperately in need of some bad-ass, special effects, girl power, sexy-as-all-get-out ass kicking.

And Angelina came through.

Before I continue, for all those of you wondering, yes we did get the cat out of the ceiling. It took an inordinate amount of wine, freeze pops, and drilling but two days later she did come out of the ceiling and is to this day allowed and encouraged to live a full and happy life so long as she never does it again (we all love you Bounder).

A couple years later I watched 'Underworld'. Starring Samantha Taylor, ... I mean Kate Beckinsale, as 'Selene', Underworld is a special effects action paradise with Kate playing a gun slinging, martial arts expert, ass kicking, "death dealer" given the task of battling werewolves in an epic war that has lasted over 6 centuries between the vampires and werewolves.

Now I really enjoyed the first movie... which is why going to the second movie this week and finding it to be even better than the first one was such a treat. Of course the original was little talked about in a lot of main stream press and surely not noticed among the latest abomination put forth by George Lucas (or whichever directing fool that week was remaking a classic into an utter piece of crap in the interest of making a lot of money at the expense of a lot of people flushing two hours of their lives down the drain to watch said cinematic atrocity). (...Not that I have an opinion... anyway, back to Selene).

Selene was realized and humanized by Sam... I mean Kate Beckinsale... as an incredibly deep, subtle, intelligent, dark, and exceptionally powerful heroine. In her battle for truth and true justice in an epic supernatural war she was conflicted, pensieve, thoughtful, charasmatically sexy, and most of all,... she was flawed, a true and precise quality of the human condition.

In Tomb Raider, Angelina Jolie was such an unbelievable bad ass that there was no monster, man, or monster-man that could have ever touched her (much less defeat her). She was so super human and over-powering that she was more fantastic than human. I mean, even her lips and breasts were larger than life (forget all those character issues!).

So after watching the second 'Underworld', I realized something about contemporary American cincema that is neither surprising nor (sadly) truly exceptional. Perhaps the irony of this post, as well as the sad state of mainstream cinematic art, can be sumarized in the comparison of these two movies. Samatha, ... I mean Selene, provides far more inspiration and ultimately cathartic humanity than the superhuman artificially-enhanced breast/lip hero of Lara Croft... This while Kate Beckinsale plays a character that is not even a human being but the undead immortal.

Truth is, that the summer of 2001 and my visit to Alis' place will be forever remembered as the best of times (as opposed to the worst of times, which is a whole other book completely) for Lara Croft, Bounder's venture into the floor/ceiling boards, and the great times spent with a dear friend. However it also provides a stepping stone to a realization in my life that the people who become marked as heroes in my life are less and less these days those who provide superhuman qualities to my 'normal' human existence. More and more I am drawn to the Selene's of the world. I am drawn to, and enamoured by, the human beings who are exactly that... human beings. They are the people who enact change through whatever means available, be it ultraviolet bullets and an automatic assault rifles- or the everyday love and wit that makes the whole lot of us burst at the seams, they affect the world in the most positive and loving way they can despite the inevitability of complete imperfection.

So call me a mushy, sappy, silly old (young) fool... but I say we need a few more Selenes in the movies and a lot fewer Lara Crofts.

Of course though I've always been flawed with my undying love of brilliant, reclusive, sexually-charasmatic dark-haired women... so you all may have to take all of this with a grain of salt... or just read between the lines... or maybe both.

I'll leave it up to you.

Love,
Mike